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[sticky post] Its time for a change - moving sites!

I've grown really emotionally attached to LJ for many reasons, but its finally time for a change. (:

I won't disappear from LJ - this place has too many memories. So I guess I'll see you around? (:

Old posts are kept here as usual, because I'll come back one day, I promise.

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Baby you are the light of my life #ss6sg

Crossposted from threadsofharmony.wordpress.com because I'd like to spread the SJ love <3

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Till the next time we meet; everything might be different, but something will never change, and that is our love.

<3

So I’m finally back from Super Show 5 Singapore, all cleaned up (yucks, the sweat from queuing under the hot sun for merchandise and later grabbing freebies), and waiting for my hair to dry. The perfect time for me to consolidate my overwhelming thoughts about this concert and pen it down while it is still fresh in my mind. SS5SG is undoubtedly the best concert ever, but in such a different way from what I would say about SS4SG.

Firstly, there were reservations about no Jongwoon for SS5SG. I live for Jongwoon and love Yesung, and not having him in the concert is so sad I actually remember crying over it. Especially during the day he enlisted. But putting that aside (the many times I was reminded during the concert on how he wasn’t there – gosh, it HURT! I HATED HOW THEY CUT JONGWOON OUT OF ALL THE VCRS EXCEPT FOR HEROES), there was so much to look out for. One good thing about it was that I actually got to spend more time watching each super junior member equally, as compared to SS4 where I was so peeled onto Jongwoon I barely noticed the others. It was quite nice, especially when so many other members touched my hearts.

The shouts at the beginning of the concert were crazy – myself included, and the blue lightsticks – the awesome and pretty sapphire blue ocean made me feel so at home. This is the feeling of ELF. We are family. In that moment, I was just so proud and eager to see them I kept brandishing my lightstick and screaming frantically for their entrance.

And WOW – when they finally appeared on stage, we went berserk; like seriously, it was a total explosion of charisma. If I was shocked by that in SS4, then this is just as shocking, if not more. You can’t help but just be drawn into their music and their feels and their moves – there is a reason why your hand moves the lightstick involuntarily towards the beats of the songs they play.

And then after they performed a few songs, there was the introduction. Other than the fact that Hyukjae kept trying to impress us with his limited vocabulary of singlish (there is lor and leh too HHAHAHHAHAHHA), as well as Kyuhyun’s uber cute and accented English, what captivated me the most was Youngwoon. Having never seen him before and this is the first Sushow I see him in, I have to say: OH MY GOODNESS I LOVE HIM HE IS SO GODDAMN HANDSOME! Like I think my eyes turned into hearts (sorry jongwoon, you know I still love you most) but really, when it was his turn to introduce himself, the screams for him were so loud and continuous. It was literally almost a minute of screaming (and I myself did quite a bit of it too LOL) so much so that there was this look of awe and gratitude and thankfulness on his face. There was so much screaming that even Siwon started yelling into his ear, LOL. And when he introduced himself saying how happy he was to be here, I was really touched by his words. Our lovely kangin is back <3 And moreover, the shouts for Henmi were so freaking awesome as well. Hyukjae kept trying to ask us to cheer for them – but Hyukjae really that was unneeded. The screams were deafening as well, and its so awesome that Singaporean ELF love Henmi as well^^

There are too many songs to name and basically no solos, so I will just cover the songs that made particular impact on me.

Three songs that made the same impact on me were: Sexy Free and Single, Daydream, as well as the ballad song that KRSZ sang. Reason? Pretty much simple – Jongwoon wasn’t there. There is a reason why Jongwoon is SJ’s most important vocalist. The essence of SJ’s songs lies in his artistic and unique voice. Kyuhyun and Ryeowook are really awesome (Please I’m a freaking KRY-biased and they are my ex-hubbies lol) but honestly, songs without Jongwoon aren’t really perfect songs. During that ballad – gosh, it was so beautiful, the four of their voices, I couldn’t help but think that the song should be sung with Jongwoon. Jongwoon should be on the stage with them. The five vocalists, belting out their lovely voices.

The feeling was made pretty much worse during Daydream, when I actually teared. Daydream has to be my favourite song in 6jib, only because of one reason: Jongwoon’s adlibs. There is something about his voice that is so emotional and raw, it pulls at heartstrings even in studio versions of songs. When I heard his voice in the song for the first time, I felt my heart melt into a lovely puddle of goo. He was perfect in the song. And I just couldn’t help but think again: Jongwoon should be here, on stage with them, singing this. And suddenly I kind of turned emotional and started sniffing, a tiny tear appeared which I blinked away. The song was still so beautiful though – SJ are as awesome in ballads as in dance songs.

SFS was pretty much the same – Jongwoon’s adlibs are my weakness, and not having his voice inside hurts. Seriously. It reminds me of how much I miss him. But that aside, I am so glad that Kyuhyun and Ryeowook took the bulk of his parts and all of his adlibs. /thumbs up/ Beautiful, really; sometimes Yesung takes up all of the adlibs so much that they don’t have the opportunity to shine as much. I really liked how Ryeowook’s techniques when he did Jongwoon’s adlibs. They are so… Jongwoon-like (pardon for being a yewook shipper but #yewook WHOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!) It was really like Jongwoon! And Kyuhyun did an awesome job too. But fret not, Jongwoon is irreplaceable and I yearn for the day he sings on stage again^^

The SJM stages were pretty much impressive too. Like OMG I really liked the fanservice during A-oh! I can’t remember how hard I waved at them. My wrist is sore now -.- and Break Down was so perfect I can’t even… I was a crazy mess of screams and incoherency!!!

OH YES! I was looking forward to the cross-dressing stage, and oh my goodness – it is perfect. Choi Dambi was so freaking hilarious I was practically chortling at him; and Ryeowook and his hair HHAHAHHAHA he was so cute and shaking around! And Kangin was awesome. I was like screaming so crazily for him when he was trying to act sexy (OMG new bias in the making youngwoon!) but most importantly, Hyunmin. I… can’t… even. The way he just moved his body and everything – basically I was incoherent and dying. OHMYGOSH, SUNGMIN. You are a perfect namja as well as yeoja what else more do you want in life lol. And when they danced to sistar’s alone together, I screamed so hard I lost my voice (basically it is reduced to a crackish state) kangin was losing his balance everywhere IT WAS SO FUNNY! And they were trying to touch and harass Sungmin as usual! Siwon removed his wig and looked so weird wearing a dress without long hair HAHHAHAHHAHAA. It was so light-hearted and everyone really enjoyed it tremendously.

Hmmm… pretty much all the songs were awesome. So I was another beautiful song. It was so sad, knowing we had to part. There were many times where SJ kept telling us they were sad that there was no second night, and knowing this night was special, I really cherished every minute of it. Again, sadder because no Jongwoon and somehow Yewook’s harmonisation works wonders compared to kyuwook. (sorry, being obvious shipper again, kyu ilu) but the words that they all said at the end were really, really perfect.

I almost forgot – ROCKSTAR! That song really got us on our feet, and the highlight of it was that Kangin and Donghae whispered to each other. MY BROTHERLY OTP! I screamed and thought I was gonna cry, lol. The song kept repeating itself but I was never sick of it. Also, Sunny was so awesome – they actually taught us the dance moves during a video and I was totally into the groove and dancing it at well, and I was really happy to see the fans around me doing so as well^^

OH! And also, Henry performed Trap! Well it wasn’t a performance but he did dance and sing the chorus live for us. I almost went berserk, because I was really hoping he would at least promote it and dance a little of it and HE DID! Henry I love you so much. You are so cute and perfect and talented^^

Although all these stages were really fun and enjoyable, what made the most impact on me this concert was actually what happened after it. The lights were back on, half the people had left the stadium, when sudden shrieks led us to the stage and OHMYGOD HYUKJAE WAS BACK ON STAGE! And the words he said to all of us really touched my life. It was about the petition of 13 only in SJ. He actually told us to support Henmi no matter what, and how he was hurt that ELF were quarrelling. He was also saying how sad he was that Henmi wait at the waiting room, feeling really lonely as the rest of the members are on stage. It all showed – why the SJ members kept introducing and were so nice to them today, asking us to cheer for them and stuff. And I have never felt more strongly for SJ and Hyukjae in my entire life. The way he spoke with seriousness, it really struck a chord in my heart. Honestly, I don’t understand what is the problem here with accepting Henmi into SJ, because in my heart, they are already a part of it. It is really lovely how each SJ member really loves and treats Henmi like a best friend, a brother, just like they do to each other, and it is most heartwarming when you see non-SJM members being so loving to Henmi as well. SJ really taught us what family is – when you love these people, you will be willing to stand for them no matter what. And this is why Hyukjae had a really kind heart to be able to say that despite fearing any wrath from other fans. The way he spoke with passion, pleading us, was so overwhelming – till now, his voice still rings in my head and I can’t stop thinking about what he said, about Henmi, about SJ, and it really wants to make me support the group that I have loved so much. SJ has taught us so many valuable things that we can’t learn in textbooks.

All in all, this night was a night to remember, and possibly the best night of 2013 as of now. I got to see ALL the members up pretty close – in particular, Kyuhyun, Ryeowook, Sungmin, Kangin and Siwon. OMG. I have all their beautiful faces etched in my mind (: And also, Kangin’s return, Henmi’s awesomeness and Hyukjae’s speech. Simply goodness – a perfect night. 6th July 2013, will remain in my heart and mind for eternity.

Most of my thoughts here are a jumbled mess, but honestly I couldn’t say any more about this. It is now time to sleep and then attempt to survive tomorrow with post-concert depression. Haha~ Super Junior, I will love you always <3 (:

Seriously

I am beginning to dislike myself.

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Complicated Hearts

The whole month of March and April has been a freaking whirlwind of tears and happiness, especially after receiving the most important sets of results that will determine my way of life. I'm really glad that the sweat and tears and blood and effort that I poured into this huge obstacle paid off. Missing SMTown was worth it, and I don't regret not going because short term happiness will never beat long term happiness.

The period of applying for unis was tedious and worrying, especially when the interviews would affect whether I would be able to get into the school of my choice. I never wanted anything more than this, seriously, and I prepared so hard and tried my very best at every opportunity that was given to me. I was worried, but the support of my loveliest friends and family allowed me to pull through the storm. And I'm glad that everything has turned out well, and I'm really ecstatic and happy to be able to pursue my dream career and course in my dream school^^ Thank you god for giving me this opportunity. I will work hard to do everyone proud.

Its finally time to take a breather and enjoy my life and work before uni starts. Hwaiting everyone!^^

And even though you're leaving soon and I'm upset about it, I know that you're doing this for all of us. And I will love you no matter what. <3

State of crisis

It's difficult.

When you put all your effort into something but it doesn't turn out the way you expected it.

You get scared and frightened.

It is something you want so much and hope for, but you are afraid you won't get it.

Although the disappointment is still there and tears have been wept, I will still keep the faith. The flicker of hope in my heart shall remain burning bright. (:

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please.

Don't you know how you're hurting me?
By not taking care of yourself, putting others in front of your own safety.
I think my heart stopped beating when you slipped and fell.
And you keep apologizing when it's not your fault.
I just need you to be safe and happy, Jongwoon. That's what matters most.
It's so helpless when I'm in another land, unable to do anything but scratch at my phone for tweet updates on your well being. I can't even smile at your fan service. Im much too worried to enjoy myself.
It's your last concert, and I want you to do your best. I love you, and please stay well.
I'll be praying for you. please tweet to tell me you're safe. And these tears pouring out right now - I know that it's worth it because it is you.

With love
your eternal fan

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Reflections before the big day

I really haven't post in the longest time, have I?

Checking back, yes i did. I wanted to blog a post right after A levels, but there was too many fulfilling things to do after that - korean lessons, driving, working etc, that I haven't had time to properly form coherent sentences to post. This serves as opportunity though.

Looking back at 2012, I realise how much I have grown - from struggling to learn the best way of studying, to fulfilling my roles as sectional leader, and to be a better person overall. I think that compared to the pessimism and huge /bleak future/ thoughts I had in J1, 2012 was definitely filled with more hope as I became more determined with each step towards the final goal.

So its over, now what?

2013 will be a new year for me. No more sitting back, no more expressing pessimism without even trying, and most importantly, to fulfill my life's wishes. There's so much I have hoped for, and that I have the rest of my life to achieve. It will be difficult and there will be setbacks, but I know that determination will pull me through these waves. Of course, that doesn't mean I have to change myself to the extent of being unrecognisable; I will never ever lose my crazy, hyper self :P

Tomorrow marks the new beginning of our lives, where we move on from the safe and sheltered journey of junior college to a more independent one, growing up so our parents do not worry about us anymore. No matter what grades I ultimately receive, good or not-so-good, its important that I move on and improve myself constantly.

All the best to everyone getting back their A level results, and always keep the faith. (:

<3

100 Questions Kpop Survey

First post after A Levels!
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I'm bored. Off to discuss fic stuff with yumin(: